(school bell ringing)
SUE: "Madonna."
Simply saying the word aloud makes me feel powerful.
Even in voice-over, how I have worshipped her
ever since I was a little girl.
Sorry, Angie Jolie, Catherine the Great...
Madonna is the most powerful woman
to ever walk the face of the Earth.
I'm instating a new policy whereby
we play Madonna's Greatest Hits over the P.A. system,
quite loudly, throughout the entire school day.
But blasting her delicious hooks would make it impossible
for the students to concentrate.
Ah, who cares? Madonna never finished college.
She hopped a cab for the bright lights
of New York City with 35 bucks in her pocket.
And I think we should encourage our pupils to do the same.
You say the word, and I willhprovide you
a list of the students I believe should be
rounded up and shipped off immediately.
I am sorry, Sue. This is insanity!
What you call insanity I call inspiration.
Let me break it down for you.
It's been the biggest dream of my career
to pay homage to Madonna--
the woman most responsible for my take-no-prisoners
demeanor, and my subconscious tendency to always be
desperately looking for someone named Susan.
And now, my Cheerio Squad this year
finally has the talent to make that dream come true.
You will not take that dream from me.
Do you not understand
the blackmail process and how it works?
Smile.
I have your wife's phone number on speed dial.
To recap, you will be playing those Madonna hits
throughout the day at an earsplitting volume.
Understood?
Santana.
What does your bracelet say?
"W.W.M.D."
"What would Madonna do?"
Well, the answer to that question is usually
date a younger man.
So, let's see some arm candy, girls.
Sorry, freshmen.
You're going to have to start trolling the middle schools.
And you know why?
'Cause if you want to be
as riveting a performer as Madonna--
a skill that will nab us Nationals
this year-- you're going to have to start
thinking like her, acting like her.
Also...
Ã la Madonna, I will no longer acknowledge
that any of you have last names.
Becky Jackson.
From now on,
you're just Becky.
You know, it's like Madonna once said,
"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know what I want.
If that makes me a bitch, okay."
I'm pretty sure she stole that line
from one Sue Sylvester.
No, really, she stole it from me.
I said it first.
Palladium.
'87.
Sync By YesCool addic7ed.com, isubs.coil.us.to
Can I ask you guys something private?
Yes, you should move to Israel.
It's about dating.
Not that I'm dating anyone.
We all know that Finn and I are no longer an item,
and for the sake of the team, I broke up with Jessie.
But let's just say I was dating someone.
Let's just say, hypothetically, we went to a Wiggles concert
last Friday night, and then because my dads
weren't home, we went up to my room
and started making out.
It was erotic and romantic.
And then he said...
We should do it.
"It"? Totally.
Haven't you done it before?
No.
Have you?
What do you think?
It's no big deal.
For a girl, it is.
What if then he got really crabby and left, and didn't even
take home the Care Bear I won him playing Skee Ball?
QUINN: Would you please stop talking?
You're grossing out my baby.
I just want to be ready; I know I'm getting older,
and these things are going to happen someday, but
how do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying "no"?
Just do what I do. Never say "no."
Oh, totally. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
Sorry, Quinn. MERCEDES: Look, girl, don't ask me.
The last guy I liked was the mayor of gaytown.
And I can't wait to get a guy
mad at me for saying "no." We just have to accept
that guys don't care about our feelings.
Like, the other day, I was walking with Artie...
I've thought a lot about it, and I forgive you
for lying about your stutter.
However, if you're planning on getting all up on this,
I'm going to need you to make some changes.
The goth thing was two years ago, so maybe lose
the vampire makeup and consider some tighter-fitting clothing.
You've got the pow, and I believe you should work it more
if we're going to be an item.
That's got to sting.
Hey, guys. I'm sorry
to interrupt your little sorority,
but I couldn't help but overhearing.
Are you really having that much boy trouble?
You wouldn't understand,
Mr. Shue. You're a guy.
Well, then maybe you should talk to someone else about it.
Like Ms. Pillsbury. I tried that.
Oh, um, that's a hot-button topic, isn't it?
I mean, when to do that.
This is the perfect chat to have with your mom.
I have two gay dads.
Right, right-- you, um...
How about your rabbi?
I really don't feel comfortable talking about this
with Rabbi Greenberg.
Aren't you a guidance counselor?
Uh...
(school bell rings)
The fact is
is that women still earn 70 cents
to every dollar that a man does for doing the same job.
That attitude starts in high school.
EMMA: I don't know what to say. I mean,
I can't do this job if I don't have the kids' confidence.
Now, I get that this area of interest is, uh,
your blind spot, but I want to help you so that the next time
a girl comes in here asking those
kinds of questions, you'll be prepared.
I'm not saying you need to have sex.
No! No, no, no. No, that's not what you were offering.
Just... Why would you offer that?
It wasn't what I was thinking.
Wishful thinking is all that was.
I mean, what this is all really about is
teenage girls feeling like they have no power.
Right, and it makes sense, too. I mean, look at their
role models, you know? You've got Britney Spears and her shaved head.
Lindsay Lohan looks like something out of Lord of the Rings.
Ann Coulter.
Let's work together to try to find a way
to make them feel more confident about themselves.
Yeah, I like that.
Yes, we will change the world one girl at a time.
We'll be like a girl-saving team.
And maybe along the way, we can find
a way to help you, too.
(Madonna's "Ray of Light" intro begins)
(pulsating rock beat plays)
âª Zephyr in the sky âª
âª At night I wonder âª
âª Do my tears of mourning âª
âª Sink beneath the sun? âª
âª She's got herself a universe gone quickly âª
âª For the call of thunder âª
âª Threatens everyone... âª
âª And I feel like I just got home, and I feel âª
âª And I feel like I just got home âª
âª And I feel... âª
(song ends)
Sloppy freak show babies!
mewhere in the English countryside,
in a stately manor home, Madonna is weeping!
Hit the showers!
(sniffing)
Oh, hey, William.
I thought I smelled cookies wafting
from the ovens of the little elves who live in your hair.
Wow, Sue. I'm really impressed.
Yeah, well, Madonna is legend.
And I want my girls to learn
all the lessons she has to offer:
strength, independence...
Nobody quite like the Material Girl
to empower my Cheerios.
Just like your hairdresser has empowered you
to look absolutely ridiculous.
I'll see you later, Sue.
You think this is hard?!
I'm passing a gallstone as we speak!
That's hard!
What comes to mind when you see that name?
Genius.
Icon.
Hall of Fame MILF.
So, we're all aware of Madonna's
musical and cultural significance,
which is why this week, your assignment
is to come up with a Madonna number.
(all gasp) Yes! Yes!
PUCK: Uh, Mr. Shue?
As a dude, Madonna makes me kind of uncomfortable.
FINN: Yeah, she's smokin' and everything,
but can't some of us do something else?
Like the guy version of Madonna?
Like, you know, Pantera?
Guys! You know, it's come to my attention
that many of you haven't been treating
the young ladies of our group very nicely lately.
You're disrespectful, bullying,
sexist, and I hate to say it, misogynistic.
I have no idea what that means.
When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist.
What it means is, put yourself in their shoes for a change.
Culturally, Madonna's legacy transcends her music,
because by and large, the subtext of her songs are about
being strong, independent
and-and confident, no matter what your sex.
But more than anything, Madonna's musical message
is about equality.
And that is something I ink you guys need to work on.
Mr. Shue, I don't think we can have an honest conversation
about Ms. Ciccone without acknowledging
that her images are as indelible as her songs.
I would like to honor her contributions by tackling
a multi-media project
with Mercedes. WILL: Great.
Go for it, Kurt.
I'm still not down.
And no chick intimidates Puckzilla.
I just don't think her music
translates to show choir.
Really? Well I, for one,
couldn't disagree more.
(whispering): "Express Yourself," go.
âª âª
Come on, girls!
Do you believe in love?
'Cause I got something to say about it,
and it goes something like this.
âª Don't go for second best, baby âª
âª Put your love to the test âª
âª You know, you know, you've got to âª
âª Make him express how he feels âª
âª And maybe then you know your love is real âª
âª You don't need diamond rings âª
âª Or 18-karat gold âª
âª Fancy cars that go very fast, you know âª
âª They never last, no, no âª
âª What you need is a big, strong hand âª
âª To lift you to your higher ground âª
âª Make you feel like a queen on a throne âª
âª Make him love you till you can't come down âª
âª Don't go for second best, baby âª
âª Put your love to the test âª
âª You know, you know, you've got to âª
âª Make him express how he feels âª
âª And maybe then you'll know your love is real âª
âª And when you're gone, he might regret it âª
âª Think about the love you once had âª
âª Try to carry on âª
âª But he just won't get it âª
âª Hey... âª âª He'll be back on his knees, so please âª
âª Don't go for second best, baby âª
âª Put your love to the test âª
âª You know, you know you've got to âª
âª Make him express how he feels âª
âª And maybe then you'll know your love is real âª
âª Let him know your love is real âª
âª You've got to make him express himself âª
âª Hey, hey, hey, hey âª
âª Put your love to the test âª âª So if you want it right now âª
âª Make him show you how âª âª Make him show how he feels âª
âª Express what he's got âª
âª Oh, baby, ready or not âª
âª Express yourself. âª
That's what I'm talking about. All right.
ok smokin' hot. (Madonna's "Burning Up" plays)
Guess who I'm dating.
Who? Wes Brody.
He's super cute.
He plays soccer with my sister.
He's seven.
Oh! Crap.
I need a younger, inferior man.
If I don't find one,
Coach Sylvester will kick me off the Cheerios, for sure.
Hello? Finn!
His birthday's like three days before yours,
and he's super dumb.
We already tried with Finn, and he hates us.
Trust me, the way to get a man to follow you forever...
take his virginity.
Madonna, like, wrote a song about it.
âª You're not convinced that that is enough... âª
Hey, Finnocence.
You know, I've been thinking, and I think we should go out.
Just you and me this time, no third wheel.
Will you talk to me this time?
I don't really talk during.
Look, Finn, It's high time you lost the big V.
Everything about you screams virgin.
You're about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Kid.
It's exhausting to look at you.
Well, look, I appreciate the offer,
but I have feelings for someone else,
and I'm trying to work things out with them. So...
Who, Rachel?
She's dating that Jessie kid from Vocal Adrenaline.
No, she's not.
Please, you can smell it on her.
She's like a cat in heat.
She talked about him yesterday and practically
sprayed the choir room.
So come on,
let's do the deed.
It'll be great for my image,
and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader.
It's win-win.
Wait, what... what do I get out of it?
I don't know.
You get to have sex and make Rachel jealous.
I meant for me, okay?
It's win-win for me.
You wanted to see me?
Sue! (clearing throat)
Um, yeah, thank you for coming.
Please sit down.
No.
("Burning Up" plays faintly in distance) Okay.
Um, I was just wondering
why Madonna's playing everywhere except my office.
Well, it's simple, Arlene.
You don't deserve the power of Madonna.
You have none of her self-confidence,
her power over her body
or her sexual magnetism.
Simply put, you have all the sensuality
of one of those pandas down at the zoo
who refuse to mate.
I had your, uh, intercom disconnected.
("Burning Up" plays full-blast, then muffled)
There you go.
Finn, I was just coming to find you.
Look, I know that the boys were a little uncomfortable
about this Madonna assignment,
so I figured you and I as co-captains
could do a little mash-up of a bunch of her songs
just to show everyone how cool it can be.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Look, are you still dating that Jessie kid?
No, no.
Who-who told you that?
Look, I know things have been weird between us,
but I never thought you'd lie to me.
Look, please just don't tell anyone.
Unbelievable.
We may not be together
the way that Jessie and I are,
but we can still be friends.
I-I'm asking you
as my friend to trust me.
Fine... but if this leads to something bad for all of us,
don't expect any more friendship from me.
Noted.
All right, let's rehearse, then.
(playing intro to "Borderline")
âª Something in the way you love me won't let me be âª
âª I don't wanna be your prisoner âª
âª So baby, won't you set me free? âª
âª Stop playing with my heart âª
âª Finish what you start âª
âª When you make my love come down âª
âª If you want me, let me know âª
âª Baby, let it show âª
âª Honey, don't you fool around âª
âª Don't try to resist me âª
âª Open your heart to me, baby âª
âª I'll hold the lock and you hold the key âª
âª Open your heart to me, darling âª
âª I'll give you love if you, you turn the key âª
âª Something in your eyes is making such a fool of me âª
âª You're making me, you're making such a fool of me âª
âª I see you on the street and you walk on by âª
âª You're on the street, I see you when you're walking by âª
âª When you hold me in your arms âª
âª You love me till I just can't see âª
âª Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh âª
âª So you choose to look the other way âª
âª Well, I've got something to say âª
âª Open your heart to me, baby âª
âª I'll hold the lock and you hold the key âª
âª Open your heart to me, darling âª
âª I'll give you love if you, you turn the key âª
âª Open your heart, I'll make you love me âª
âª I'll hold the lock and you hold the key âª
âª Open your heart to me, darling âª
âª I'll give you love if you, you turn the key âª
âª Open your heart with the key. âª
(panting)
Th-That was good.
Totally.
("Frozen" playing) Oh, amazing.
You know how Madonna kind of reinvented the video, right?
Well, we got Artie and the A/V Club to help out.
We're gonna make a Madonna video of our own.
It's going to be "Madge-ical."
Madge-- you know, Madonna's nickname?
Okay, you really got to get up to speed here.
Hey... SUE: Schuester!
I heard a juicy little rumor that your Up With People rejects
were doing some Madonna songs. Is that true?
Yeah, well, to be honest, Sue,
I got inspired watching your Cheerios.
Well, I have been waiting years to pay tribute to her,
and you are not swooping in at the last minute
to snatch her from my talons.
Madonna belongs to me, and I will not be copied.
It's in my contract.
I want you to listen very closely.
You can have your Barbras and your Chers
and your Christinas...
and wow, I just lost my train of thought.
You have so much margarine in your hair.
Okay, first of all, my kids are doing Madonna.
She's public domain, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Secondly, enough with the hair jokes.
Oh, by the way, how's the Florence Henderson look working out for you?
Oh... âª And you should know I suffer the same... âª
Oh, maybe you should try a new setting on your Flowbee.
Oh, snap!
âª Love is a bird âª
âª She needs to fly âª
âª Let all the hurt inside of you die âª
âª You're frozen âª
âª When your heart's not open... âª
SUE: Who else wants a piece of this, huh?!
âª Mm... hmm, hmm âª
âª Give yourself to me âª
âª Mm.... hmm, hmm âª
Hey, uh, so, that offer of yours
uh, to lose... the big V...
Mm-hmm.
...I'm in.
âª If I could melt your heart... âª
(knocking)
Ms. Sylvester, we'd like a word.
We saw how upset you got today.
I don't know what you're talking about.
We saw your face
after Mr. Schuester insulted your hair.
Close the door.
(door closes) Sit down.
You know, kids, I grew up with a handi-capable sister.
My parents were famous Nazi hunters,
so they weren't around a lot.
I had to bring her up on my own.
I didn't have a lot of time or money
to keep up with all the latest looks.
But on my sixth birthday, True Blue was released.
An album that would later sell
over 30 million copies.
My sister and I took it upon ourselves to bleach my hair
with whatever chemicals we could find around the house.
Ammonia, napalm.
My hair was so damaged, I've been forced to wear it short
ever since.
It's been a daily, ongoing pain.
Wait, that would make you, like, 30.
29.
And here's the truth--
I mercilessly pick on
Will Schuester's lustrous, wavy hair
because I'm jealous.
There, I said it.
I think we can help.
Mercedes is black; I'm gay.
We make culture.
Go on.
We're working
on an exciting new project
and would like to use the Cheerios.
And we can help you find a new look.
Interesting.
âª Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do âª
âª Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do âª
âª Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do! âª
Sondheim on Music. (gasps)
(whispering) Jessie, is that you?
I'm so glad you came.
I picked the Stephen Sondheim biography section
for our clandestine meeting place,
because only he would be able to express my melancholia.
I feel bad about what happened at your house.
Do you still have my Care Bear?
Yes.
Since we're meeting in the shadows,
there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
Me first.
I was out of line the other night.
You deserve more than that.
You deserve romance--
no, you deserve epic romance.
I feel badly that I pressured you into... you know,
going all the way.
I'm willing to wait.
You tell me when you're ready.
And I'll make sure that I'm fastidiously groomed.
What did you want to tell me?
I'm ready.
(chuckles)
(sighs, chuckles)
(school bell rings)
Hey, that catch was amazing Tuesday. (chuckles)
Will! Hey.
Hey, wait up.
All right. How's it going?
Good. Um... okay, I've realized something,
something really important.
You know when we were talking about Madonna the other day
and how her music was being blasted
like an intimidating cluster bomb
into everybody's office except for mine
because, apparently, I lack a shred of sex appeal?
Well, it struck me that the Big Mo is always in control of everything.
Her life is her own.
Okay.
So I need to take control
of myself and my body,
just like Madonna.
Which is why...
I'm planning on doing the nasty with you
tonight at your place.
Foreplay shall begin at 7:30 sharp.
So, what do you think?
Not that it matters.
I couldn't agree more.
Great. Great.
7:30. Cool.
Mm-hmm.
(big sigh)
ARTIE: "Vogue," take one.
Sound speed...
and action.
And playback.
(soft synthesizer chords playing)
(rhythmic finger snaps)
Strike a pose.
âª Look around, everywhere you turn is heartache âª
âª It's everywhere that you go âª
âª Go, go, go, go âª
âª You try everything you can to escape âª
âª The pain of life that you know âª
âª The life that you know âª
âª When all else fails and you long to be âª
âª Something better than you are today âª
âª I know a place where you can get away âª
âª It's called a dance floor, and here's what it's for âª
âª So come on, vogue âª
âª Let your body move to the music âª
âª Move to the music âª âª Hey, hey, hey âª
âª Come on, vogue âª
âª Let your body go with the flow âª
âª Go with the flow âª âª You know you can do it âª
âª Beauty's where you find it âª
âª Not just where you bump and grind it âª
âª Soul is in the musical âª
âª That's where I feel so beautiful âª
âª Magical âª
âª Life's a ball âª
âª So get up on the dance floor âª
âª Come on, vogue âª
âª Vogue âª
âª Let your body move to the music âª
âª Move to the music âª âª Hey, hey, hey âª
âª Come on, vogue âª
âª Vogue âª
âª Let your body go with the flow âª
âª Go with the flow âª âª You know you can do it âª
âª Vogue, vogue âª
âª Beauty's where you find it âª
âª Move to the music âª
âª Vogue âª
âª Beauty's where you find it âª
âª Go with the flow âª
âª Greta Garbo and Monroe âª
âª Dietrich and DiMaggio âª
âª Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean âª
âª On the cover of a magazine âª
âª Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean âª
âª Picture of a beauty queen âª
âª Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire âª
âª Sue Sylvester dance on air âª
âª They had style, they had grace âª
âª Rita Hayworth gave good face âª
âª Lauren, Katherine, Lana, too âª
âª Will Schuester, I hate you âª
âª Ladies with an attitude âª
âª Fellas that were in the mood âª
âª Don't just stand there, let's get to it âª
âª Strike a pose, there's nothing to it âª
âª Vogue, vogue âª
âª Ooh... âª
âª You've got to let your body move to the music âª
âª Ooh... âª
âª You've got to just... âª
(echoing): âª Vogue... âª
JESSIE: Are you ready?
In a minute.
(intro to "Like a Virgin" plays)
âª I made it through the wilderness âª
âª Somehow I made it through âª
âª I didn't know how lost I was âª
âª Until I found you âª
âª I was beat, incomplete âª
âª I'd been had âª
âª I was sad and blue âª
âª But you made me feel âª
âª Yeah, you made me feel shiny and new âª
âª Like a virgin âª
âª Touched for the very first time âª
âª Like a virgin âª
âª When your heart beats next to mine âª
âª Gonna give you all my love, boy âª
âª My fear is fading fast âª
âª I'd been saving it all for you âª
âª 'Cause only love can last âª
âª You're so fine âª
âª And you're mine âª
âª Make me strong âª
âª Yeah, you make me bold âª
âª Oh, your love thawed out âª
âª Yeah, your love thawed out âª
âª What was getting cold âª
âª Like a virgin âª
âª You make me feel like a virgin âª
âª Touched for the very first time âª
âª Oh, baby âª
âª Like a vir-ir-irgin âª
âª When your heart beats next to mine âª
âª Like a virgin âª
âª Oh-oh-oh, like a virgin âª
âª Yeah, it feels so good inside âª
âª When you hold me âª
âª When your heart beats âª
âª When you love me âª
âª When you love me, baby âª âª Oh-oh âª
âª Whoa âª
âª Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah âª
âª Oh-oh... yeah âª
âª Oh, like a virgin. âª
(breathes deeply)
JESSIE: Rachel?
I'm ready.
wonder which look she's gonna rock.
Doesn't matter. They were all fantastic.
Oh, dear.
Miss Sylvester.
Oh, hey, there, Whoopi, Don Knotts.
What happened? Well, I'll tell you what.
All those costumes and the hairstyles,
I'm gonna leave constant reinvention to Madonna.
Know why? Had a revelation.
Here's a list of the kids
I want shipped off to New York
with 35 bucks in their pocket.
Operation Madonna is now complete.
Sue, these are all Glee kids. Yep.
Um... I-I'm sorry, Sue. ("Justify My Love" plays)
I'm having trouble concentrating.
Your new look is...
Fantastic. Yeah, I agree.
Unnecessary.
Sue, you're a powerful woman.
You don't need to copy anyone else.
You're an original, just like Madonna.
Don't lose that quality.
Do you mean that, or are you just saying that
because I poked a couple of kids' eyes out
before second period today?
(scoffs)
See, kids, Sue Sylvester realized
she didn't need to reinvent herself.
She needs to reinvent everybody else,
starting with you two.
(exhales deeply)
Hey.
Hi.
So how'd your date with Jessie go Friday night?
It went wonderfully.
Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal.
I mean, you know, it-it was great.
But when it was over, I just, uh,
you know, didn't know why
I was so nervous in the first place.
(knocking)
Just come out so we can talk...
or sing about it.
(door opens)
Look, Jessie, I really like you, but...
I can't do it.
It wouldn't be right for... the team.
What does the team have to do with this?
If I give myself to you
knowing that my teammates wouldn't approve,
it would be like I was sleeping with the enemy.
I'd be betraying them.
And because I'm truly not ready to do this,
I'd be betraying myself.
I'm happy for you.
And, uh, what about you?
I heard that you had a date with Santana on Friday night.
Yeah. I-I couldn't go through with it.
Why?
I guess I'm just waiting for the right person.
(passing truck horn blows) Do you think they have room service in this place?
'Cause I want a burger.
I thought I'd feel different after.
Yeah, well, I've noticed that it takes about 20 or so times
before the feeling of accomplishment really kicks in.
There's no menu,
so you're gonna have to take me to a burger joint.
How do you feel?
I don't feel anything...
'cause it didn't mean anything.
(school bell rings)
Where have you been? I've been calling you all weekend.
I was kind of embarrassed.
I really wanted to go through with it, Will.
You were so gracious and gentle and...
handsome, and it felt so good to be close to you in that way.
I just, I don't know why I always freak out like that.
Stop, stop-stop-stop.
You don't need to sleep with me to prove anything.
You took ownership of your body on Friday
when you told yourself you weren't ready...
and then ran out of my apartment with no shoes on.
They're my favorites. Did you bring them?
(sighs) I feel bad, Emma.
I've been working so hard trying to get the guys
to start treating the girls with more respect,
and I haven't been walking the walk.
I never should have agreed to have you come over that night.
I did kind of throw myself at you.
That is the point.
We're falling into a pattern here.
We need to instate an official
no-dating policy until my divorce is final.
Well, when will that be?
I filed today.
So that's a start.
But while we're waiting,
I want you to get some help
for your problems; we need to take action here.
They're not gonna go away unless we do.
Now, our health union covers counseling.
They'll come to the school,
meet you in your office, whatever you need.
And...
I polished them myself.
Thank you.
(knocking)
Mr. Schuester?
Yes?
I'm Jessie St. James.
Can I talk to you about something?
What the hell?! It seems like now everybody's doing things
just to hurt my feelings.
I thought you all would take this news
a little better. I'm a star.
You can learn from me.
We were already fighting for second leads.
And now that you've shown up,
I've lost all hope at ever getting a solo.
Yeah, that's right. And y'all just trot me out
at the end of every number so I can wail on the last note.
How is that okay?
He's a spy, Mr. Shue. I would know.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
I saw all the paperwork, I spoke with his parents...
They winter in Bali.
It's a very expensive phone call.
WILL: Jessie just moved in with his uncle,
which is in our school district.
It's all above board, guys.
He goes to this school now.
But this isn't fair.
Guys!
Everyone who's ever auditioned
for this group has gotten in.
That's how we do things here.
Okay, to suddenly change the rules now,
that would be unfair.
Brittany.
Mr. Shue, is he your son?
I don't understand why you're doing this.
Because when you love something, you got to go for it.
You would never be with me completely
if I were on the opposing team.
And I care about you more than winning another national title.
So I left Vocal Adrenaline.
For you.
WILL: All right, guys, we have got a lot of work to do.
Jessie, great to have you here.
Welcome aboard.
Okay, from the top.
Five, six, seven, eight!
(band playing "4 Minutes To Save The World")
MERCEDES: âª Hey âª
âª Unh, come on âª
âª Kurt Hummel, take it âª
âª Come on, girl âª
âª I've been waiting for somebody to pick up my stroll âª
âª Unh âª
âª Well, don't waste time, give me the sign âª
âª Tell me how you want to roll âª
âª I want somebody to speed it up for me âª
âª Then take it down slow âª
âª There's enough room for both âª
âª Well, I can handle that âª
âª You just got to show me where it's at âª
âª Are you ready to go? Are you ready to go-o-o-o? âª
âª If you want it âª
âª You already got it âª
âª If you've thought it, it better be what you want âª
âª Time is waiting âª
âª We only got four minutes to save the world âª
âª No hesitating âª âª Yeah âª
âª Grab a boy and grab a girl âª
âª Time is waiting âª
âª We only got four minutes to save the world âª
âª No hesitating âª
âª We only got four minutes, four minutes âª
âª Don't be afraid, hey, Madonna, unh âª
âª You got to get 'em up, hop âª
âª Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock âª
âª That's right, keep it up, keep it up âª
âª Don't be afraid, hey, Madonna, unh âª
âª You got to get 'em up, hop âª
âª Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. âª
(cheering, applause)
Sue, what the hell is going on here?
Oh, what's the matter, buddy? Did you miss the show?
You probably had to run to the powder room.
Let me fill you in.
Future center square Kurt Hummel there
and his brassy hag Mercedes just tore that Madonna song
a new one.
Wait, you two are Cheerios now?
Yeah, I've decided to add vocals
to my already wildly overproduced Cheerios numbers.
It'll give us the edge at Nationals.
You guys could've at least given me the heads-up.
You mean, the same way you gave us a heads-up
before not giving us a solo almost every week?
KURT: Mr. Shue, Mercedes and I
talked it over, and we love being in Glee,
but being in the Cheerios will give us
more opportunities to shine.
So we're doing both.
Ah, chipper up, Tiger.
You know, I was down at the pharmacy today,
and they're having a monster sale on Dep.
Dep is a hair gel.
And once again, I am making fun of
your incredibly stupid hairdo.
(buzzer sounds)
Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short,
wear shirts and boots, 'cause it's okay to be a boy.
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading,
'cause you think that being a girl is degrading.
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you?
What it feels like for a girl.
(slow pop rhythm begins)
âª Silky smooth âª
âª Lips as sweet as candy âª
âª Baby âª
âª Strong inside, but you don't know it âª
âª Good little girls, they never show it âª
âª When you open up your mouth to speak âª
âª Could you be a little weak? âª
âª Do you know âª âª Do you know âª
âª What it feels like in this world âª
âª For a girl? âª âª For a girl? âª
âª Oh âª
âª For a girl... âª
âª In this world... âª
âª Do you know âª
âª What it feels like in this world? âª
(music fades)
I am not down with this.
I like being a dude.
That's because it's easy to be a dude.
Uh, Mr. Shue, I think we're gonna need a new baritone,
'cause Finn would like to become Finnessa.
Wait, h-hold on, Puck.
Finn has a point.
I mean, haven't you notid
how low morale has been around here lately?
ARTIE: I have.
I think the way I was objectifying Tina
may have sent her over the edge.
(school bell ringing)
Hey, girl.
My eyes are up here!
I am a person with feelings! Get out of my grill!
I am a powerful woman,
and my growing feminism will cut you in half
like a righteous blade of equality!
We've been treating the girls like crap--
not caring about their feelings, not listening, objectifying.
That's the right word, right, Mr. Shue?
That's right. Objectifying.
As an honorary girl, I have to agree.
This team shouldn't work, but it does
because we respect each other's talent.
And if we want to take it to
the next level, we have to start
respecting each other as individuals.
Really see each other.
Why were you
singing with us, Mr. Shue?
Because apparently... I need to learn that lesson.
Fine, but I'm not singing this song.
We don't have to.
We just have to make it right with the girls,
show them
we get how it feels.
I would get down on one knee if I could.
Why would you propose to me?
You don't even like me.
Stop.
That's where you're wrong.
I was really rude to you.
You're awesome.
And you shouldn't change, unless you want to.
And if you want to get up on this,
just let me know.
Yep. That's more like it.
(school bell ringing)
Hey.
If you're gonna criticize and mock me again
about Jessie, you can can it.
I wanted to apologize.
The only reason you were even
open to dating Jessie was because I was such an ass.
Mr. Tough Guy and all that.
I really liked you.
And I could have had you, but I blew it.
You really liked me?
Okay, Finn. I know we have
a big showdown coming, so let's just decide on the arena.
Sing-off, the parking lot, 5:00-- be there.
No.
Welcome to New Directions.
Frankly, I need you. I'm tired of
carrying the male vocals all by myself.
I'll do my best to stay away from your girl.
I appreciate that.
She's a keeper.
Walk with me to the auditorium.
I put together a new Madonna number;
I'll talk you through it on the way.
Sweet.
("Like A Prayer" playing)
âª Life is a mystery âª
Sync yescool
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