Puck's got a thing
for Lauren Zizes, but she's not really down with it.
I don't think you're ready for this jelly.
Finn kissed Quinn, who's supposed to be dating Sam,
and Rachel kissed Finn too, but he didn't feel the fireworks.
On the cheek? Can you believe that?
Sue tried to shoot Brittany out of a cannon to win Nationals,
but the only thing she won
was Katie Couric's "Loser of the Year."
I hate you, Diane Sawyer.
And that's what you missed on Glee.
I actually learned something
in my Spanish class today.
"Regresar."
Who knows what that means?
"To come back."
That's right. I realized the old Will Schuster was back.
Glee Club's going to Regionals.
We got all of Sue's Cheerios! money.
I'm past Terry. I'm over Emma.
"To come back." Now, if we're going
to put it in the past... Will?
It's an emergency.
Becky Jackson opened Sue's journal and found this.
"Good-bye, cruel world"?
She could be dead by now.
Synced By YesCool www.addic7ed.com
It's weird; the door's open.
Sue? Sue?
No? All right.
Sue.
Oh, my Lord. Oh!
Oh, Sue. Sue.
Wake up, Sue. Sue! Wake up!
I don't feel a pulse. She doesn't have a pulse.
Yeah, I do.
I just stopped my own heart.
That's my CIA training.
These gummi vitamins didn't work at all.
I was told you take enough Vitamin A,
and you drift off
into a blissful oblivion.
Instead, my face just got really hot
and my jaw is sore from all that chewing.
I have nothing to live for.
That's not untrue.
Emma, we didn't come here to give her a pep talk.
I'm sorry, Sue, but you brought this on yourself.
I am well aware of my situation, Will.
After my humiliating failure
to qualify for Nationals,
there is nothing for me or my Cheerios!
to do for the rest of the year.
Why don't you do what other cheer squads do--
namely, cheer for the teams at the school?
Yeah, like that's going to happen.
Emma, let's go.
Sue, you are nasty, manipulative and petty.
Will, you have more grease in your hair
than the guy behind WikiLeaks.
Oh, I for one, am not going to play backup
at your little pity party.
Take it easy, Sue.
Hey. Hi.
So I wanted to confirm our date on Friday at Color Me Mine.
Wait, you were serious about that?
It's painting coasters time.
So, we good for Friday?
Yeah. I think so.
I mean, I don't think I have anything else to do.
Cool.
Things have been weird
since Quinn got mono a couple of weeks ago.
Everyone keeps telling me that she must have kissed Finn,
but I believe it when she told me what really happened.
I didn't kiss Finn, Sam.
I saved his life.
He's not breathing!
I totally almost choked on a gumball once.
I know she's into me.
I just get the feeling that I'm losing her.
I can't let that happen.
Quinn's the best thing that's happened to me
since I got to this school.
But how?
Of course. My dad always said
there are two ways to get a woman to love you:
take her hunting and rock 'n' roll.
I knew what I had to do.
I mean, who's more rock and roll than Justin Bieber?
No one. That's who.
The hair was step one.
Step two was booking
a couple of Bat Mitvah gigs
to test out how my new one man band would go over.
Hey.
I'm the Justin Bieber Experience.
dBaby, baby, baby, oh d
dLike d
dBaby, baby, baby d
dNo d
dLike, baby, baby, baby d
dOh d
♪I thought you'd ♪
dAlways be mine. d
Heads up, Quinn Fabray, you're about to be
hit head on with the full blond Bieber.
Hey, Brittany. We need to talk.
Why are my leg warmers on your arms?
I got cold.
But, no. We had a deal, okay?
As I explained, I am in the midst
of a career resurgence, okay?
I am done with boys, and I am concentrating fully
on my career now.
The only way to make a complete comeback
is to dominate popular discussion,
maybe launch a trend or two.
I have you half of my allowance
so you could take a signature look of mine
and make it popular.
And we decided tha legwarmers were more likely
to catch on than reindeer sweaters.
Yes, precisely, but it won't work
if you insist on wearing them incorrectly.
I didn't realize that there were rules.
Of course there are rules. They're legwarmers.
Well, can I wear them that way tomorrow?
I wore a tank top today because I thought it was summer.
No one ever taught me how to read a calendar.
Fine, fine. And when people ask you
who gave you the inspiration for your new accessory,
you're going to say, "I'm just copying Rachel..."
I'm just copying Rachel Berry.
Fantastic.
You know how I feel about hats.
Just 'cause.
None of you should be making eye contact with me.
Get out! Go!
Get used to this abuse, Glee kids.
I got nothing but time.
Nothing but time.
I think she's dangerous.
Idle hands are the Devil's playthings.
I mean, Sue's got nothing to do now,
which means it's only a matter of time
before she starts coming after the Glee Club.
Hey... Will, Esmé.
So sorry for not being sorry for interrupting.
But would you mind
if I borrowed one of your rafters
so I could hang myself?
I just did a test run back in my office,
and you know what? There's asbestos up there,
and that can kill a person.
Sue? Sit.
Now, I understand you're upset,
but life is beautiful.
Are you going to tell me there hasn't been
one moment since your epic decline
that you haven't felt yourself
feel good about something?
Well, yes, Will,
as a matter of fact, there was...
there was one moment.
I was driving to work this morning in my LeCar,
and Charlene's "I've Never Been To Me" came on the radio.
And when it got to the chorus,
I just opened my mouth and belted it out with her.
And I have to say, it felt really good.
Sue should join the Glee Club.
I'm sorry?
No, I'd rather be dead.
Yes. She should join-- I mean, you can't join,
but she can sit in.
Yes. Will.
Look, Sue is in a really bad place right now.
And you're always talking about the healing power of music.
There are studies that show it helps with depression,
it elevates mood.
I have a pamphlet.
Uh... Emma, I don't think this is a good idea at all.
I agree with SpongeHair SquareChin.
It's a stupid idea.
No, no. The football team did it for a spell,
and that really brought people together.
Will, and this is a great chance
for you to keep your eye on Sue.
You know, make sure the old gal's okay.
Well, you know what, folks? At this point,
to alleviate my crippling depression,
I'd do anything.
This cannot be happening.
This seems like a terrible idea.
Guys, it's not up for discussion, okay?
Now, it's no secret that Coach Sylvester has taken her licks...
I mean, just wanky.
And I believe she could use a little sympathy from us.
Sympathy? From us? Uh-uh.
Yeah, all she's ever done is make our lives miserable.
She got exactly what she deserved.
You're lucky I left my blowgun at home, Airbags,
'cause I got a clear shot at your nonnies.
Guys, Coach Sylvester has had her recent setbacks,
but she is a proven champion.
Now, we could do worse
than to have that kindf a winning record in our midst.
Let me break it down for you.
I am no longer a threat to you people.
All right? I'm just hoping that your singing and dancing around
will pull me out of my doldrums and give me
a reason to live. Is that too much to ask?
Guys, it's settled.
Sue's going to be with us for the week.
Now... I received an envelope in the mail today.
We know that we're facing Kurt and the Warblers at Regionals.
Sweet Porcelain.
And it looks like this year,
we face Aural Intensity again.
They cleaned our clock last year.
Seems like the governing board
has assigned a theme to this year's Regionals,
and part of our score will be based
upon how well we interpret it. This year's theme--
"Anthem." Now, who can tell us what an anthem is?
The bottom of an ant's pants.
So close. So close. No.
An anthem is an epic song,
filled with a groundswell of emotion
that somehow seems bigger than itself.
Even bigger than the person performing it. Mr. Shue?
Oh, hey, Sam, I didn't even notice your new haircut.
Yeah. I've been working on a new image to go
with my new one-man band, The Justin Bieber Experience.
You've got to be kidding me.
Dude. That haircut makes your mouth look even bigger.
Let her speak.
Look, laugh all you want, but that kid's an epic talent,
and there's a number I've been working on
that I've been wanting to show off.
And I think it qualifies as an anthem,
because it's just hugely emotional,
and sums up our generation.
All right. Let's hear it, buddy.
dOh, whoa, whoa d
dOh, whoa, oh d
dOh, whoa, whoa d
dYou know you love me, I know you care d
dJust shout whenever, and I'll be there d
dYou want my love, you want my heart d
dAnd we will never... d
This is actually a really good song.
dEver, ever be apart d
dAre we an item? d
dGirl, quit playing d
dWe're just friends? d
dWhat are you saying? d
dSay there's another, and look right in my eyes d
dMy first love broke my heart for the first time d
dAnd I was like d
dBaby, baby, baby d
dOh, like, baby, baby, baby, no d
dLike baby, baby, baby d
dOh, I thought you'd always be mine mine d
dOh, for you, I would have d
♪Done whatever ♪
dAnd I just can't believe we ain't together d
dAnd I wanna play it cool d
dBut I'm losing you d
dI'll buy you anything d
dI'll buy you any ring d
dAnd I'm in pieces d
dBaby, fix me d
dAnd just shake me till you wake me from this bad dream d
dI'm going down, down, down, down d
dAnd I just cant believe d
dMy first love won't be around d
dAnd I'm like, baby, baby, baby d
dOh, like, baby, baby, baby d
dNo, like, baby, baby, baby, oh d
dI thought you'd always be mine d
dI'm gone d
dNow I'm all gone d
dI'm gone. d
Yeah! All right!
The Biebster!
I got to get that girl on my Cheerios!
We want in.
In what?
The Justin Bieber Experience.
We want in the band.
But it's a one-man band.
So expand.
I don't get it, you guys were
totally making fun of me for singing Bieber.
That's because we underestimated the power of the Biebes.
He's clearly like a mini-god.
Look how you made all those chicks melt
in Glee Club; now think about
the power of four Biebers.
We'd be unstoppable.
All of our relationships are in the standard
post-Valentine's Day lull.
Are you playing Angry Birds?
Sorry.
Want me to show you my abs?
If you want to.
Here's what happens to the female chemistry.
They get a huge shot of endorphins
on Valentine's Day, and everything is heightened
and so romantic-- the problem is,
days later, when they come down from their See's candy high,
they crash, and everything else,
by comparison, is humdrum.
We need the sugary sweet jolt of the Biebes
to get us some action again.
Why do you want in, Puckerman?
I'm at the end of my Lauren Zises rope.
I'll try anything to get into those enormous pants.
Uh, what's going on?
We're joining
The Justin Bieber Experience,
if Sam's cool with it.
And if not, we're starting our own band.
Bieber Fever.
Wait, you-you guys do realize that
Justin Bieber sucks, right?
Quinn seemed to be pretty into him when I was singing in Glee Club.
Right, well, I'm gonna spend my time
working on songs that aren't geared toward 12-year-olds.
Good. And then you won't
have time to pick up any other guys' girlfriends.
Hey... back off, man.
I didn't kiss your girlfriend.
She saved my life.
So, what do you say?
Are we in?
Fine. But we need to figure out
something to do with Puckerman's hair.
Oh, no.
No way.
You're a genius-- they have changed my life.
I didn't know my arms could be so toasty.
You're a hero-- you should win
some kind of award.
What are you doing?
I'm so sorry, Rachel, it just sort of caught on.
I see that, okay? That is not what we agreed upon!
I want my allowance back right now!
It's already gone.
My uncle lost his job,
and his goat was going hungry, so...
I spent it on food for the goat.
I mean, sort of. The goat just ate the money.
Okay, the-the only way to proceed is for you to come
to school dressed exactly like me.
What is that look called?
Sexy schoolgirl librarian chic.
All right, you'd better get a move on, okay?
Kids 'R' Us closes at 6:00 p.m. sharp. Go, Brittany.
Dear Journal, L my lust for life is renewed.
I have found myself dropped behind enemy lines,
poised to destroy the Glee Club from within.
Schuester and his guidance counselor Ginger
fell for my pity party hook, line and sinker,
and now I'm in and ready to sink them,
once and for all.
Thus begins my plan.
I will pit these Glee Clubbers against one another,
rupturing the group internally, until it explodes
like a ripe zit!
You wanted to see me?
Yes. Mercedes, have a seat.
So, I've decided I'm going to sing a song in Glee Club,
and I need your advice.
Now, as you may know, I have a background in music.
For a brief period, I was a tambourine player for Wilson-Phillips.
What I need to learn from you
is how to be a diva.
Oh. Well, you've definitely come to the right girl.
I mean, being a diva is all about attitude,
something I know you're not short on.
It's all about sassy fingers and shaking that weave
and generally, taking no nonsense from nobody.
Dig it, sister.
Well, I have to say
I'm flattered and shocked that you came to me.
Oh, come, now, "Ra-chelle," it doesn't humble me too much
to say I simply need your tutelage.
Well, I'll say this-- being a diva is all about emotion.
In fact, you feel so much emotion
that it cannot be physically contained.
Sometimes you have to close your eyes
and turn your head and push,
push your feelings away-- they're that big!
Wow.
Well, that Mercedes is wrong about you.
What... what did she say?
Oh, I don't remember the specifics, just something about
you're not as talented as you think you are
and all your ideas are horrible.
I don't know, something like that.
She said what?
Yep. Quote:
"Not that talented."
There you are. I heard what you said about me.
I heard what you said about me.
Just when I thought we were friends.
I guess that will just never happen, will it?
I guess not.
You know, there's only one "I" in "diva," Rachel,
and that "I" is me.
Guess we're just gonna have to settle this the old-fashioned way.
Diva-off.
Tomorrow, Glee Club. Why not right now?
'Cause I have to go get my cross-trainers.
Want to know why?
I'm gonna be doing some runs.
So... Friday night,
I figured we'd check out the Sullivan rink.
They have ice rink bumper cars.
I told you, I haven't decided what I'm doing yet.
Sweet Jesus, who bought tickets to crazy town?
All right, looks like
the guys here are ready to give us their anthem.
Everybody, we are the new and improved
The Justin Bieber Experience,
and we think this song is an anthem
because everything Bieber does is epic.
Truth.
Anyway, this song,
like all the songs I sing,
is for my girlfriend Quinn.
Hit it.
#Gotta keep it, feels so right #
#Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta keep it close # #Oh! #
#Feel so right #
dOh, for you I'd write a symphony d
dI'd tell the violin d
dIt's time to sink or swim d
dWatch them play for you d
#For you I'd be running # #Whoa, whoa #
dA thousand miles d
dJust get to where you are d
dStep to the beat of my heart d
dI don't need a whole lot but for you d
dI admit I'd rather give you d
dThe world or we can share mine d
dI know I won't d
dBe the first one giving you all this attention d
dBaby, listen d dI just need somebody d
dTo love... d
dI, I don't need too much, just somebody to love d
dSomebody to love... d
dI don't need nothing else d
dI promise, girl, I swear d
dI just need somebody to love d
dI need somebody d
dI, I need somebody d
dI need somebody d
dI, I need somebody d
dTo love d dEvery day d
dI'll bring the sun around d
dI'll sweep away the clouds, smile for me d
dI would take d
dEvery second, every single time d
dSpend it like my last dime d
dStep to the beat of my heart d
dI don't need a whole lot but for you d
dI admit I'd d
dRather give you the world d
dOr let you share mine d
dI know I won't be the first one d
dGiving you all this attention d
dAnd, baby, listen d
dI just need somebody to love... d
dOh, no, no, no, no d
dI don't need too much, just d
dSomebody to love... d
dOh, I, I don't need nothing else d
dI promise, girl, I swear d
dI just need somebody d
dTo love... d
dSomebody to love d
dSomebody to love... d
dI need somebody, I, I need somebody d
dI need somebody d dI swear d
dI just need somebody to love. d
Justin Bieber!
I need a towel.
Hey!
I... I actually can't do Friday.
Hey, Lauren.
So, uh,
what'd you think?
Honestly, although my love would crush him,
I'm totally turned on by the Biebster.
That is, until I remember that he looks like he's 12;
then it's sort of creepy.
So if I were gonna give C-plus.
Listen, Zises,
I'm dying here. You got me
every which way, and we both know I'm not the brightest.
So, please!-- what do I have to do to get with you?
I may have a proposition for you.
I'll keep you posted.
Color Me Mine?
I'll color you yours any day.
Mm, Sammy Evans!
You are Biebalicious.
How are things going with you and Quinn?
Fine.
No, they're not.
You and I should, uh, talk soon.
Sam's an artist, Finn. An artist?
I guess that's why he's taking you to Color Me Mine.
I told you I needed time to figure out
what I was gonna do with Sam, and I did.
I choose him. Because of The Justin Bieber Experience?
Look, I thought it was gonna be stupid, too,
but he was so... shameless.
He just got up there and owned it.
It was sexy.
I'm sorry, Finn.
But like I said, Sam's an artist,
and at the end of the day...
it really turns me on.
Do dudes ever get erections when they wrestle with you?
Shut it, Puckerman-- we're here to talk business.
Sorry.
Okay, I want to do a number for Glee Club.
It's stage one of my master plan.
Shibby. So what, you want me to back you up on my ax?
Yeah, but I also need some advice.
I'm a little bit nervous about singing in front of a crowd.
Up until now, I've only really sung in the steam shower.
Hot. But ridiculous.
I mean, you're the most confident chick I know.
Yeah, I know I'm hot melted butter,
but singing's different, and I want to be great.
Or at least as good as Barry.
I get nervous before I sing, too.
But I always overcome.
You want to know my secret?
Yeah.
Oldest trick in the book.
Just picture the audience in their underwear.
Even the dudes?
It's not about sex.
It's just about seeing the audience
as more vulnerable than you.
Trust me. It works every time.
Can I touch your knockers now?
Only if you want to lose a hand.
But you're on your way.
Remember, I want this diva-off to be a bloodbath.
Oh, trust. It's about to go down.
You look amazing. I really do.
This look has to go viral.
Is there any way you can cut class for the rest of the day,
just so that you could walk down the halls?
Totally. Most teachers think by cutting class,
I might improve my grades.
Great.
Why are you dressed like that?
I thought you weren't into the Biebster.
Well, I wasn't, but then somebody told me
that Justin Bieber's, like, the king of YouTube
with over a billion views.
An anthem is supposed to appeal to the masses, right?
So before I pick my anthem,
I was working on my anthem look.
Okay, guys and gals! And Sue.
It's the moment we've all been waiting for.
Our next diva-off.
So here they are, sure to give us a fantastic anthem,
Mercedes and Rachel.
Let's give it up!
Uh, after much argument, I finally convinced Mercedes
that in order to do a proper diva-off,
it has to come from the Broadway catalogue.
Which I think is safe to say
that that gives me a home field advantage, so...
Oh, wellyou're about to get beat on your own turf.
Hit it.
dYeah d
dOoh d
dEvery single day, I walk down the street d
dI hear people say d
d"Baby's so sweet" d
dEver since puberty, everybody stares at me d
dBoys, girls, I can't can't help it, baby d
dSo be kind and don't lose your mind d
dJust remember d
dThat I'm your baby d
dTake me for what I am d
dWho I was meant to be d
dAnd if you give a damn d
♪Take me, baby ♪
dOr leave me d
dTake me, baby, or leave me d
dA tiger in a cage can never see the sun d
dThis diva needs her stage, baby d
dLet's have fun d
dYou are the one I choose d
dFolks would kill to fill your shoes d
dYou'll love the limelight, too d
dNow, baby d
dSo be mine, and don't waste my time d
dCrying, "Oh, honey bear, are you still my, my, my baby? d
dTake me for what I am d
dWho I was meant to be d
dAnd if you give a damn d
dTake me, baby, or leave me d
dNo way can I be what I'm not d
dBut, hey, don't you want your girl hot? d
dDon't fight, don't lose your head d
d'Cause every night d
dWho's in your bed? d
dTake me for what I am d
dWho I was meant to be d dWho I was meant to be d
dAnd if you give a damn d dAnd if you give a damn d
dYou better take me, baby d
dOh, take me, baby d dOr leave me d
♪Take me, baby ♪
dOr leave me d
dYes, I'm leaving d
dI'm gone. d
Oh, my God. That was so great!
No, her. What about her? Me? No, her.
You guys, that was awesome!
Hey, where's the hate?
Not the point of Glee Club, Sue.
I understand you wish to see me.
Yeah, Sue, I did.
I saw how you were in class today.
What are you doing tomorrow night?
I want to take you somewhere.
No. No. No way.
I don't care how depressed I am, I will not date a curly.
Not on a date, Sue.
Still probably not going to go.
You're interested in making your comeback, right?
Well, I think it's important that you see something.
Hate 'em. Hate hospitals, William.
That's why I keep voting for those death panels.
Sue, I know you.
You crack jokes whenever you get uncomfortable.
Not really joking, William.
And you have a penchant for sappy scenarios set to music,
so I demand to know where we're going.
We're going to the pediatric cancer ward.
No, no, no-- once a month, I come down here,
and I sing songs with some of the kids
getting long-term care.
Yep. No.
No. Sue.
Uh, William...
I know what you're getting at.
I have been selfish.
Yes, I was ridiculed on the national stage,
but you're right, that's nothing
when you compare it to what many people have to deal with
and come back from. I should be grateful.
Well, congratulations, I've learned my lesson.
Then let's celebrate.
Let's sing with some kids.
Look... you're right.
You know, sometimes, Glee Club is a little silly.
But we push through the weird to get to the real stuff.
I mean, music can get at a part of us
that-that's hard to open up to.
But please...
go there with me.
I think it'll be good for you, Sue.
No outfits, no jazz hands.
Just... music.
Fine.
And William, I don't care how adorable those kids are,
if I hear one song from that classic rock outfit Journey,
I will start pulling catheters.
Come on.
Bailey?
Hi, guys!
Hi, Will.
Oh, hey. My man.
Hi.
Oh, my God, you're Sue Sylvester.
I just saw you on TV.
Oh. Hey, guys.
This lady was interviewed by Katie Couric.
Holy sweet baby Jesus.
What do you say, guys? You ready
- to make some music? - Yeah!
Let's do this thing.
Brought my special little guy with me.
Yeah! All right!
All right, and that's all there is to it.
So, does everyone know their parts?
Yes. Okay. Sue?
My kids are going to mop the floor with your kids.
Not a chance.
All right,
I'm going to sing the first two.
And then you guys come in
and join me, just like we practiced.
All right? Okay.
dThis little light of mine d
dI'm gonna let it shine d
♪This little light of mine ♪
dI'm gonna let it shine d
dThis little light of mine d
dI'm gonna let it shine d
dLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine d
Hide it under a bushel.
dHide it under a bushel? d
dNo! I'm gonna let it shine d
dHide it under a bushel? d
dNo! I'm gonna let it shine d
dHide it under a bushel? d
dNo! I'm gonna let it shine d
dLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine d
♪This little light of mine ♪
dI'm gonna let it shine d
dThis little light of mine d
dI'm gonna let it shine d
dThis little light of mine d
dI'm gonna let it shine d
dLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine. d
Give yourselves a hand.
All right.
Good job.
I'll never forgive you for this.
Deal.
Look, Q, I know that we've had our differences,
but I can't lie-- that outfit is amazing on you.
It looks good on everyone.
Penny loafers and tights?
Genius. Outrageous.
I mean, my carousel-horse sweater should make me look
like an institutionalized toddler,
but no, I look hot and smart.
I feel like Michelle Obama.
Oh, my God. You guys look amazing.
Seriously.
She's a genius and an icon.
Who is?
Brittany. Who did you think?
Who knew that taking off
that Cheerios! uniform would turn her
into a fashion institution?
Is-Is this a joke?
No. That sweater is.
Who wears a reindeer sweater?
Uh, all three of you.
No, this is a carousel horse.
If you want to know what to wear,
just look to Brittany.
Look, she took the look from me, okay?
I paid her.
You're a terrible liar, Rachel.
I can't believe you would take this away from poor Brittany.
It's sad. You're just sad.
Hey!
I need to talk to you. I want my money back.
Well, I used it to pay a publicist.
What? Jacob Ben Israel
posted a photo and this Web site called "The Sartorialist"
named me the trendiest girl in America.
Brittany, I'm trying to stage a comeback here.
Okay, but what exactly are you coming back from?
I... Listen, Rachel.
I'm gonna give you some tough love right now.
You're not a trendsetter.
When people look at you, they don't see what you're wearing,
they see a cat getting its temperature taken,
and then they hear it screaming.
I'm really sorry, but I have to go.
I have an interview with Teen Vogue.
All right! Let's get right down to it.
Starting us off and making her New Directions! solo debut,
Miss Lauren Zizes.
Uh, so what are you going to sing for us, Lauren?
Here's how I see it.
I know I'm the hottest bitch in this joint.
If I was a country, my flag would be a big fist
giving the rest of the world a finger,
and this would be my national anthem.
Okay.
Puckerman, grab your guitar.
Tina, Brittany, ready? Good.
Awesome. Super cool.
Okay.
Two, three, four.
dI know what boys like d
dI know what guys want d
dI see them looking d
dI make them want me d
dI like to tease them d
dI know what boys like d
dBoys like d
dBoys like me d
dI see you're sad now d
#I will let you #
dSorry I teased you d
#I will let you #
dThis time I mean it d
#I will let you #
dAnything you want d
#You can trust me #
dI really want to d
dYou can trust me d
dHow would you like it? d
#You can trust me #
Sucker!
dI got my cat moves d
dThat so upset them d
dZippers and buttons d
dFun to frustrate them d
dThey get so angry d
dLike pouty children d
dDenied their candy d
dI laugh right at them d
dI know what boys like d
dBoys like d
dBoys like me. d
How frickin' hot is she!
This morning I woke up,
and decided to swallow the sun.
That's my James Earl Jones impression.
First of all, that is offensive; he shot Martin Luther King.
Obi-Wan never told you
what happened to your father.
Okay, you know what? Let's just cut to the chase.
Despite the fact
that your mouth-to-face ratio is, like, way off,
you still somehow manage to be cute.
But make no mistake,
every time you open your humongous mouth
to do an impression or moisten
an enormous stamp for a lazy giant,
you take one step closer to everyone seeing
that you are actually a dork.
Which is where I come in.
I hereby offer my services as a mistress.
I wants on them froggy lips,
and I wants on 'em now.
But I'm dating Quinn.
she cheated on you.
No, she didn't.
Look, I know you're as dumb as a bag of wet hair,
but you know in your heart she's lying.
That gumball story was insane.
You're choosing to believe it
so you can still be with her.
But consider my offer.
Not only am I giving you full visitation rights
to the set of rambunctious twins that live on my ribcage,
you get the chance to show
that pastry bag Finn that
he can't mess with Sam Evans.
And not just because you can unlock your humongous jaw
and swallow him whole like a python,
but because you have some buzz at this school.
Think about it.
Will, you have a problem.
You?
No. Your Glee kids.
They have no comprehension skills.
Your assignment was anthems,
and I'll be damned as your hairdresser
if any 'em sung a single one.
Sue, are you trying to tell me
that you want to perform an anthem?
Well, I'll admit
that your little field trip to the house was sad;
inspired me a bit.
But I'm not gonna go it alone--
the whole crew has to sing it with me.
And here's the catch:
no more Bieber,
no hoodies, no pocket Lesbian Bieber hair.
Well, that can be arranged.
What's your song?
dSing it out d
dBoy, you've got to see d
dWhat tomorrow brings d
dSing it out d
dGirl, you've got to be what tomorrow needs d
dFor every time d
dThat they want to count you out d
dAnd use your voice d
dOh... d dEvery single time you d
dOpen up d
dYour mouth d
dSing it for the boys d
dSing it for the girls d
dEvery time that you lose it, sing it for the world d
dSing it from the heart d
dSing it till you're nuts d
dSing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts d
dSing it for the deaf d
dSing it for the blind d
dSing about everyone that you left behind d
dSing it for the world d
dCleaned up d
dCorporation progress d
dDying in the process d
dBuy yourself the motivation, generation nothing d
dNothing but a death scene d
dProduct of a white dream d
dI am not the singer that you wanted d
dBut a dancer, I refuse to answer d
dTalk about the passer d
dRuling for the ones who want to get away d
dKeep running d
dSing it for the boys d
dSing it for the girls d
dEvery time that you lose it, sing it for the world d
dSing it from the heart d
dSing it till you're nuts d
dSing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts d
dSing it for the deaf d
dSing it for the blind d
dSing about everyone that you left behind d
dSing it for the world d
dWe've got to see what tomorrow brings d
dSing it for the world d
dBoy, you've got to be what tomorrow needs d
dSing it for the world d
dSing it for the world. d
Yeah!
Hey.
Do you think I could borrow
one of your T-shirts to use as a smock tonight, at Color Me Mine?
Kind of have a thing for wearing my boyfriend's shirts.
We're not going to Color Me Mine.
And I'm not your boyfriend.
Wait... Why?
Because you can't look me in the eye right now
and tell me that you didn't make out with Finn.
I want to be with you, Sam.
Forget it, okay?
No harm, no foul.
Oel ngati kameie.
Crap. Santana told me to stop speaking Na'vi.
Since when is Santana telling you what to do?
Since we started going out.
dI thought you'd always be mine... d
dOur whole life. d
When did that happen?
All right, I hate to say it,
but I think we all owe Sue
a big thank-you. She may hate us,
but she did give us a kick-butt song for Regionals.
Yeah, she did!
That's right. That's right.
Mr. Schuester, I think that our admiration for Coach Sylvester
might just be a little premature.
While I love My Ehemical Romance
and I think we all kicked butt
on that number, as our team leader
and arbiter of all that is good, I... I have to say that
I don't think that that song is good enough for Regionals.
The Warblers have Kurt and Blaine
as their, like, one-two punch,
and Aural Intensity kicked our butt last year.
We can't just do any song to beat
either of those teams. You mean
a number where you don't get to sing the entire song.
Guys, this
isn't about me. What do you suggest, Rachel?
We need to need to be bold and epic.
We need to write
our own original music for Regionals.
We need an undisputable advantage.
Check out Dwarf Diane Warren.
Look, we can't
lose Regionals again this year, you guys.
Okay? You have to trust me.
I feel really, really strongly about this.
Let's put it to a vote. Okay, Rachel?
All those in favor of doing an original song.
Chemical Romance?
Hey, there, buddy.
Sue!
You know, I have to be honest, we missed you in here today.
Oddly, you're, uh, kind of a fun addition.
Oh, well, Charles Manson would have been
a fun addition to your pack of losers.
Well, looks like you're back to your old self.
Ah, hardly.
I'm on my way to becoming
someone much better.
And you've inspired me, Will.
You've made me realize I have more to offer the world
than coming up with spectacular,
life-threatening cheerleading tumbles.
I got the music in me.
Sue, that is great.
I mean, with that attitude, you are welcome in here anytime.
Oh, I couldn't do that; it'd be spying on the competition.
What?
No one told you?
I got a part-time gig.
Yeah, I'm the new coach for Aural Intensity.
That's impossible.
Oh, nothing's impossible, Will,
when you have a positive attitude.
You taught me that.
Isn't it great?
Geez, I got my mojo back,
still get to dedicate my life to destroying yours.
Life's good.
See you at Regionals.
You must be happy.
Why is that?
Quinn is back on the market.
She'll be easy pickings after what Sam did to her.
I don't want to talk about Quinn.
I want to talk about you.
You were right in there today
about that number not being good enough to win.
We need to write our own songs.
Why didn't you say that when I needed you?
It wouldn't have made a difference.
The only way to prove it to those guys
is to write a great song and shove it down their throats.
Well, do you think that you and I should do it together?
No, I think you should do it yourself.
Let's face it, you're the real trendsetter in there, and...
if someone was gonna write a song to win Regionals, it would be you.
Do you really believe in me that much?
More.
You know...
I really like the Rachel that I saw in there today.
Reminded me of the old you.
Focused and take no prisoners.
I think she might be making a comeback.
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